Don’t Be That Guy: There Are No IT Jobs in Metro Detroit

If I show up at your door, chances are you did something to bring me there.” – Martin Blank

“Y’all gonna make me lose my mind…up in HERE, up in here” – DMX

Got you all good and riled up with Part One of this rant, didn’t I?  Bet you thought I was going to soften things up a bit for Part Two, didn’t you?


Two articles came out recently, and they pushed me over the edge.

It’s time for a good old-fashioned Don’t Be That Guy rant, and this one’s even going to be a two-parter, because there are two topics deeply bound together.

The targets?

Companies who are (falsely) whining that there is no IT talent here in the metro Detroit area.  People who are (falsely) whining that there are no good IT jobs in the metro Detroit area.  Even have a few choice phrases for good old “One Tough Nerd” Governor Snyder.

In part one, I took aim at those companies and even the Governor.

But don’t think you’re off the hook you lazy, self-centered, whiny idiots who have somehow clung to a ridiculous sense of entitlement through the worst economic downtown in history without realizing that you need to grow the hell up and evolve…

If you haven’t read part one of this soul-cleansing rant, you should.  It’s over at, and it’s okay, go ahead – this one will still be here when you come back.


Let’s lock and load.

couch-potatoThe worst part is that this isn’t the first time we’ve taken aim at you.

It’s not even the second time.

Hell, it’s not even the FIFTH time.

Maybe we’ve been too nice thus far, and so this time I’m going to get a little more pointed and direct about things.

I’m going to put this into a specific set of circumstances to hammer my point home.

There’s a guy who’s come to quite a few of our events over the years.  Good guy.  Means well.

entitlementposterHe’s also a total god damned moron.

He’s got a solid enough skillset for what he does…but what he does just isn’t in all that much demand right now.

Look, the best god damned manual typesetter in the world either eventually learned how things worked in the digital age, retired, or moved to East Nowhere, Arkansas where they still run a daily newspaper off a press from the 1930s.

And yet here this guy is, showing up at damned near every one of our events, asking the same question to the same people over and Over and OVER again and I guess just hoping that something different will happen one of these days.

It’s like that kid’s book “Are you my mother?”  No, you idiot – the bulldozer is not your mother, and the same recruiter you stalked for a month beginning right after our last event doesn’t have anything for you…and even if she did, you’ve made enough of an ass out of yourself that no, she doesn’t.

264558_10151908419058820_1977687120_nI’ve had I can’t tell you how many conversations with this guy over the course of the past couple of years.  To get out and change something.  To go take some classes.  To start learning on his own.  To do freaking ANYTHING to improve his own chances of getting a job…

…and yet he hasn’t.  He doesn’t.  He won’t.

Because the world owes him, right?  The world owes him a great job with a great salary and benefits and everything he could possibly hope for…right?

We’re back to the fecal matter of the male bovine from part one of this rant.

The world doesn’t owe you squat, people.

So what are you doing to make your own life better and find a new job?

You say you want to be a mobile app developer, so have you signed up for what Detroit Labs is doing with their Apprentice program?  They’ll pay you to learn, and then if you don’t suck at it, they’ll hire you.  It’s a win/win…but you have to make the move and go let them know you’re interested.  Hit our IT in the D show archives page and go check out episode 22 to hear why Detroit Labs is someplace you want to work.  But you haven’t done that yet, have you?

image (1)Girl Develop It – Detroit (and we love them) have three classes over the next few weeks.  FREE CLASSES.  Go learn Python. Go learn WordPress.  Go learn SOMETHING…for FREE, for the love of all that’s good and holy in the world!  And guess what?  We’ve had them in-studio with us as well.  Want to hear more about them?  Go hit that same IT in the D show archives page and check out episodes 2 and 17.  But you don’t know who they are, do you?

Checked out Grand Circus?  Training programs galore.  And yep, show archives page, episode 11.  But you don’t know how they can help you, huh?

Talked with New Horizons to see what grants are available that you can take advantage of and maybe get some certifications and classes free?  But you’ve never picked up the phone to call or fired off an email, right?

See all that stuff below the surface? Get it.

Read any of the countless articles we’ve posted specifically for job seekers?  No?…and candidly, that’s just the tip of the iceberg.  Good lord, people – there are so many programs and services out there right now to help you improve your skillset and stay competitive that it’s mind-boggling.,.

Wait…is that the problem?

There are too many ways for you to get better in your career and make yourself a more valuable resource?

C’mere so I can slap you upside the back of the head and set you straight.

It doesn’t matter if it’s not the “perfect” job.  It doesn’t matter that it’s not where you started.  It doesn’t matter that you need to take a step or two backwards in order to start moving forward again.  Nobody cares what you used to make.  There’s not a single tear being shed for you, pal.  Welcome to the real world.

You think you’re “too busy” to do any of those things?  That there are more important things you have to do with your time than keep yourself gainfully employed and providing for yourself and/or your family?

Then you deserve to be exactly where you are right now.

Let me clue you into a little secret, Skippy.  You think we have nothing better to do with our time than sacrificing I can’t even begin to count how many hours and how much money running this group?  You think we wake up and jump out of bed screaming “YAY!  It’s gonna be an extra long day today because I’ll be up until at LEAST midnight to 1am after doing our show tonight!” every Monday night?  You really believe that there’s nothing we’d rather do than take time out of our lives and time off work to go head out to speaking engagements?

You’re out of your god damned mind.

But you know why we do it?

Sure, a piece of it is that we do it because we enjoy it…but this whole thing has blown up so far beyond what we ever thought it would be that we’re still taken aback on a regular basis.

But we’ve said this a million times – we don’t charge you to come to our events.  We don’t take kickbacks from the bars.  We don’t get referral fees from the recruiters when you get hired.

But you know what we do get?

networkingWe get good karma.  And we get great connections.  And we get the ability to be told at 11am on the 10th of the month that our position is being eliminated as of the end of the month due to budget concerns, being able to decline hiring into a lesser role just to have a job at all, and then three phone calls and two hours later have a new job at a higher salary and a perfect start date.

It gets you hired into your dream job when they never even bother to bring you in for a face-to-face interview because of the overwhelming number of recommendations they receive about you once you put the word out that you’re interviewing for the job.

Is that “bragging”?

No, that’s “making a god damned point”.

We have busted our asses for literally years to get to this point…and we’re not stopping any time soon either.

Because as soon as you stagnate, you’re disposable.

So get off your lazy ass and go do something.  Come to us and ask for help.  Ask us where you should be looking.  Go do some homework and figure out what else is out there that might be of benefit to making you a stronger candidate so that a hiring company has no choice but to make you an offer so that they don’t miss out on you.

There were over 150 recruiters at our event on 9/19/13.  Even in the middle of a ridiculous snow and ice fest a couple of weeks ago, there were eight recruiters that made their way to Blackfinn for our January event.

They’re doing their part…are you doing yours?

Because in case you missed the message from part one – there are gears in motion to screw you even harder than you’re getting screwed currently.  If that bill to bring more immigrant workers into Detroit comes to life, what in the hell are you going to do then?  Those companies are calling you “unskilled”.  They’re calling you worthless.  They’re saying that you’re unemployed because you don’t know a god damned thing that’s relevant to today’s world or of any value to any company whatsoever.

Get up, and go take a long, hard look in the closest mirror there, Skippy…and ask yourself one question.

Are they right?

If the answer’s “no”…we’re looking forward to seeing you at our next event.

If the answer’s “yes”…well, you just get a “see ya!’