Don’t Be That Guy: Premature Movie Critic Guy

“Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and yours stinks” – Nietzsche

Look, I come from the early days of BBSing and using actual message forums pre-social media. I get it. I know that being first is the best. Having that “FRIST” comment before anyone else was the best (yes, I know I spelled first’s “a thing”, always was back in the day).

But let’s get something straight, I really don’t give two shits what you thought of [insert movie here]…

I really don’t. It isn’t going to make me see it and it isn’t going to make me not see it.  I realized long ago that no two people look at a given thing the same way, especially movies.  Especially in the world of Sci-Fi / Fantasy.  I feel badly for anyone making movies in those genres these days…it’s almost like opening a vegan restaurant: you know you’re doing something catering to a niche within a niche that tends to be insanely vocal and bitchy about everything, so you know walking in that no matter what you do, or how great it comes out…there will always be people telling you that you, and your product, sucks and you should kill yourself.  With that being the expectation walking in, I’m stunned anyone even agrees to make them any more…because of people like you.

I get it though, it’s your thing, great, make a podcast, write a click bait blog and then give us your opinion. But to make a social media post where we are forced to see your views on it? Kiss my ass. Just post your selfie in the theater and check-in like the rest of us do.

And the worst that guy? The one that goes to an early premier and then voices their opinion before the movie even opens. Honestly, we talked about you on the podcast, and in case you missed it…you can go straight to hell. Not only are you telling FRIST!, you are taking my/our excitement of going to the theater (which takes a lot these days).  I’m already not a huge fan of the movie theater experience to begin with – $87 for two popcorns, candy, and drinks for the kids and I, not to mention the idiots in the theater who leave their phones on, or can’t shut up – and so do us all a favor and stop taking the air out of my sails before I even have a chance to be annoyed on my own.

I mean…I sat and watched CHiPS tonight (yes, by choice). My wife laughed her ass off, I thought it was so dumb it was good, and guess what? It was trashed on by literally everyone. But it was a fun watch, yes it dumb, and that’s OK.

At the end or the day, do us a favor, keep your opinions to yourself, and if you must, make us click to see it and please, for the love of God, don’t be that guy.