The Dating Corollary: The Dry Spell

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Originally posted 2014-10-29 00:19:32. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

We’ve got a whole series of posts out here on the site about how networking, dating, your professional life and a job search all have an awful lot in common.

Don’t think so?  After you’re done with this one, keep reading:  http://www.ITinTheD.com/category/dating/

We’ve talked about break ups.  We’ve talked about the dreaded “it’s not you, it’s me” speech.  We even dove into counter-offers (“I can change, I swear!“), the awkward proposal moment, keeping your jealousy in check, and more.

But now we’re going to get even more real.

Because now…now we’re going to talk about what happens when you find yourself in the middle of a dry spell…

Look, it happens to the best of us.

You find yourself…through what at first glance appears to be no fault of your own…just not getting lucky.

At all.

chuck-woolery1You hit the bars…and always wind up walking out feeling even more dejected and rejected than you did before you walked in.

You go to events that are supposed to be for people in your exact situation that are supposed to help you…but they wind up being a useless waste of the cover charge and the promised “open bar” was a horrible disappointment since it shut down before you even got there an hour after the event began.

You even joined a church group because someone told you that was the way to go…but you rapidly realized you just didn’t have the ability to fake the core common interest enough to keep going to it.

It’s really starting to affect your personality, too.

You’re starting to get twitchy, and even though your friends are doing all they can to help you – they’re reaching out to people they think would be a good fit for you, they’re offering you plenty of encouragement and advice – they’re also getting sick of listening to you whine and complain about it.  You’re starting to hear more of “Just go find anyone willing” instead of “hold out for the right one for you”.

Person Holding Hire Me Sign in CrowdHow hard can it be to find a job these days?

After all…oh, what?  You thought I was talking about someone looking to get laid?

Ha ha, no…not even close.

But maybe now you see the similarities I was talking about up above a little better.

Because we’re talking about what you need to keep in mind when you’re dealing with a job search that’s taking longer than you thought it would.  And again, many of the same basic principles still apply across all of these worlds:

trashdbtgAre you misrepresenting yourself?  Time to take a good, long look at that resume (which is essentially your professional dating profile, by the way) and figure out if the problem’s there.  Just like you can post a personals ad that says you’re 6 feet tall and get laughed at when you show up at the coffee shop for a first date at your actual 5’5″, it doesn’t take too long for a recruiter or hiring manager to realize you’re lying.  Make sure everything is accurate, up to date, and really reflects you.  Read through Bad Resume Guy at http://www.ITinTheD.com/101/bad-resume-guy/ and Bad Resume Guy 2 at http://www.ITinTheD.com/3576/bad-resume-guy-2-is-it-me-youre-looking-for/ for tips.

Are you setting your goals too high?  Look, everyone wants the seven figure CIO job just like everyone drools over the latest Hollywood hottie / hunk, but let’s keep things in perspective, shall we?  Are you perhaps suffering from an unreasonable sense of entitlement and thinking you deserve more than you actually do?  Even worse, are you Cousin Eddie who’s holding out for that corner office even though you don’t have the slightest bit of experience in the real world to be even thinking in that direction?  We’re not saying that you shouldn’t aim high and have dreams…but we are saying that you need to understand the difference between dreams and realistic expectations.  Give that recruiter who had a decent gig a call back and see what happens.  Sure, it’s not the sexy, amped up ideal with all of the things you could ever hope for and want in life…but it just might wind up making you really happy.  Keep an open mind.

Are you even looking in the right places?  If you’re a bookworm in your 40s, for the love of all that’s good and holy in the world stay the hell out of the latest trendy bar where all of the early-20-somethings hang out.  You’re going to be miserable and you’ll wind up being labeled Creepy Guy all night on top of that.  In a similar vein, stop going to stupid events where all they have is multi-level marketing sales pitches and people wanting to sell you insurance and start focusing your efforts where they’ll start actually doing you some good.  Get out there and meet some of the right kind of people, and you’ll find yourself well on your way to finding a good match.

creepy-guyAre you putting out the wrong signals?  Just because you are desperate doesn’t mean you have to ooze desperation.  Swallow your fear, your anxiety, and all of that desperation and exude a little confidence.  The only people who prefer to see an air of desperation are predators, and that’s the last thing you need in your life right now – someone looking to take advantage of you.  Talk yourself up a little bit, but don’t be a bragging windbag who can’t shut up about themselves.  Remember that every good conversation is a two-way street.  People like to talk about themselves, and companies will want to talk about their jobs.  Ask questions.  Show some interest.  Don’t make it all about “me Me ME” and “THIS IS WHAT I NEED / WANT RIGHT NOWNOWNOW!”

Have you asked your friends and family for help?  Odds are really good that someone in your circles can help you find what you’re looking for, but you have to be willing to ask.  Some people are uncomfortable setting things like this up, or they may not even realize that you’re in need of help if you’ve been playing it too close to the vest.  So reach out and just say “Hey, things are weird right now, and I’d really appreciate it if you could help me find…” and go from there.  The worst thing that happens is that they don’t know of a way to help you, which means you’re no worse off than you were before you asked…but at least there’s one more person out there who knows you’re looking and will hopefully keep an eye out on your behalf.

I know…this is the same advice you’d give someone who’s going through a rough patch in their dating life.

See what we mean?  Lots of similarities in these worlds…whether you realized it before or not.

That’s all for this time…now go read something else: http://www.itinthed.com/read/

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