Don’t Be That Guy: ‘Do They know It’s Christmas’ is the Worst Song Ever

“If I show up at your door, chances are you did something to bring me there.” – Martin Blank, Grosse Pointe Blank.

The Holidays are once again upon us, and with that comes every store and radio station in town, for the most part, playing Holiday favorites.

So here I am to make a proclamation. Do They Know It’s Christmas is the worst song ever written…

Let’s break down the lyrics, shall we?

Where the only water flowing
Is the bitter sting of tears
And the Christmas bells that ring there are the clanging chimes of doom
Well tonight thank God it’s them instead of you

Tears? Chimes of doom? Holy Shit Bono, did you not question anyone when Bob Geldof asked you to sing this? “Thank God it’s them instead of you”?

I mean, I realize the famine in Africa in 1986 was no joke, but when people in the world suffer, I’m not thanking God it’s them and not me.

And now for the heavy hitting stuff…

And there won’t be snow in Africa this Christmastime

No shit Chet, no shit. I mean Northern Africa in on the equator for crying out loud and it’s mainly desert. South Africa does in fact get snow on occasion as does Mt. Kilimanjaro. But I mean, culturally, do they even care that they aren’t getting a “White Christmas”?

The greatest gift they’ll get this year is life

So listen Timmy, I know you put down a bike, and a football, and a PS4 on your list for Santa, but sorry, he won’t be coming this year, but guess what…YOU GET TO LIVE!

Again, who wrote this shit!?

Where nothing ever grows
No rain nor rivers flow

I mean, didn’t Toto bless the rains down in Africa? Now apparently it doesn’t rain? And there are no rivers? Are you in deNILE (get it? Nile)? I mean on the equator, in the desert, no…no it doesn’t rain. But I mean come on, you are referencing the ENTIRE CONTINENT, not the damn Sahara.

Do they know it’s Christmastime at all?

I mean, the groups that practice Christianity, sure. But everyone else? No….No they don’t know.

Feed the world
Let them know it’s Christmastime again

I mean, I’m all about helping and feeding people, but if they don’t care it’s Christmastime before, why would they now?

I’m glad I got this off my chest on how horrible of a song this really is.

So Don’t Be That Guy, and go read something else: