Networking events for IT professionals. Award winning blog series. Weekly podcast. Meet. Read. Listen. By @echodave, @bobwaltenspiel

Crazy Dave’s House of Deals!

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Originally posted 2015-08-03 11:42:57. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Come on down to Crazy Dave’s House of Deals!  I’ve got everything you need to make your career a success!

You want to network?  Then you NEED to come to my FREE networking class and I’ll show you how to do it…after you pay $25 for a $10 lunch so that I can get a $15 kickback per person from the restaurant, of course…

You want to be a part of a great group that’s all about YOU and really has the only purpose in life of trying to help you move forward and advance your business in the best way possible?  Man, have *I* got the group for you!

MINE!  All you have to do is buy this book…

Hey, can I come talk to your group about networking and maybe look for people that I can hire while I’m there?  What?  Your group’s religious based?  WHAT A COINCIDENCE!!  I kid you not, JUST LAST NIGHT I had a vision…no, a CALLING…to serve the Lord and do His work by helping people find new jobs…with my company, of course…and lining my pockets in the process, of course…

I am ALL about Michigan!  Yessirree!  My group and I are absolutely, 100%, without a doubt COMPLETELY dedicated to helping things in the state of Michigan get better!  We will do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING we can to help YOU and this ENTIRE AREA get better and get people back to work!  What?  Oh, you noticed that the jobs we list are 90% out of state?  Umm…well, yeah, that’s all in “beta” still…hey, want a t-shirt?

Have I got the PERFECT group for you!  Seriously – it’s all about SALES, SALES, SALES!  You want to SELL MORE STUFF, right?!  SURE you do!  Of COURSE you do!  Then you NEED to come to this group that I’ve got running over here, and you have my word that it’s NOT completely populated with people trying to sell fruit baskets, cosmetics, and every other pyramid “system” under the sun…you’re not looking while I have my fingers crossed, right?  Good…now, there’s this little matter of a registration fee…

[sigh]

I wish I were kidding about any of that.  I really do.  Unfortunately, those are all things that I’ve either seen or experienced first-hand on my own, or have had relayed to me by people that I know and trust.  To be trying to take advantage of people in this market and with these economic conditions is absolutely sickening and shouldn’t be tolerated.

At first I thought I was dead-on with my “used car salesman” motif, but then I realized that they’re something even worse.

They’re chameleons.

A few months ago, I introduced you to the puffer fish, and now it’s time to take another journey into Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom to find this entry’s analogy: the chameleon.

Much like those puffer fish, (or even Grimace, for you regular readers…) the chameleon seems relatively harmless, doesn’t it?  For the most part, they are – all anyone really thinks about when it comes to chameleons is that they have an uncanny ability to change themselves to blend in with the surrounding area so that they become less visible to predators.  If you’re not repulsed by lizards in general, they’re pretty cool.  They have feet that have been extremely well adapted over the years (unless, of course, you’re reading this from Kansas or Texas, in which case, please read “they’ve always been that way since the day they were created” in order to fit in with your curriculum) to let them do some pretty amazing tight-rope walking amidst the trees and bushes.

Sounds all relatively harmless, right?

Right.

Well…unless you’re something the chameleon has one of its bulging, creepy eyes on…

Not so fun if you’re a grasshopper now, is it?

And there are lots of chameleons out there. It seems with each passing day we get introduced to a new one. Someone else that’s so damned busy trying to be everything to everyone that they have to have lost track of who they even actually really are by this point. Like the company out there that’s a resume writing service…but I hear that they want you to come to their, ahem, “Pink Slip Party”. Gee, I wonder what’s going to go on at that “Pink Slip Party”? Think you might have to get hit with a few sales pitches about why you need to have your resume done by them?

Ugh.

At least when *I* call you “grasshopper”, it’s because I want you to snatch the pebble from my hand. Not because I want to devour you. Or your time on useless endeavors. Or your money on a self-help book or pyramid scheme.

Until next time…

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