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The Alphabet Soup Recruiter

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“If I show up at your door, chances are you did something to bring me there.” – Martin Blank

“Bachelor’s degree in area of specialty or related experience as a Web Developer is required. At least 2 years of experience in the field or in a related area is required. Must be fluent in the following languages and have these certifications: CCENT, CCNA, CCDA, CCNP, CCDP, CCSP, CCIP, CCIE, CCDE, CCA, CCAA, A+, Network+, Security+, Linux+, CISSP, CCFP, ITIL, MCSE, MCSA, PL/SQL, PMP, CAPM, VCP, VCDX, VCAP, VCA-DT.  Entry level developer position. Salary: $30,000 per year” – The Alphabet Soup Recruiter

Dear technical recruiters, there is nothing in this world that makes someone you want to hire stop reading your job posting immediately than playing the Alphabet Soup game…

soupdeadAnd look – we get it.  You’re not really technical yourself, and so you don’t necessarily understand that some of the acronyms you threw out there have absolutely nothing to do with each other, relate to completely different skillsets and technologies, and in some cases might even contradict each other…

Which is why you need to know that we’re not only judging you…we’re judging the company you work for.  And your company needs to know this, too.

Because here’s how the train of thought happens inside our heads:

  1. They don’t know what they’re talking about.
  2. Couldn’t they ask someone technical in their organization?
  3. Wait…do they not have any friends who know better?
  4. Ohmygod…do they not have any technical people that they’ve placed previously that they could ask?
  5. How bad of a company is this that the recruiters lose contact with their technical people that quickly?
  6. Body shop. It’s a total body shop that doesn’t care about or keep in touch with their employees at all.
  7. No way in hell will I ever work for that company.

asktechhelpSee?  See how quickly that went from “you tried to go fishing for a purple squirrel that cannot possibly exist in the real world” to “I just lost a potential hire for not just me, but my entire company, for as long as they remember this interaction”?  Kind of a lot more serious now, isn’t it?

I mean, let’s put this in the context of The Dating Corollary series of articles we have out here (if you haven’t read those, check them out at http://www.itinthed.com/category/dating/) for a moment to hammer this point home.

Let’s say you’re cruising through a dating site, and you see someone has posted an ad that says something along the lines of this:

cdexplain“Definitely looking for a man who excels at cooking, cleaning, rides a Harley Davidson motorcycle, only drives a 4 door sedan family safe vehicle, is really into sports cars, I’m okay with slobs who can’t cook, must like children, does not have any children, it’s okay if you have kids, I kind of hate kids, should love going to the gym seven days a week, I hate working out and will hate anyone who does, I love rockers, must have a stable and high end professional career, tattoos are a must, tattoos and piercings are a huge turn-off, age doesn’t matter, you must be between 25 and 27 years old, I’m looking for someone age appropriate, I’m 40 years old, I hate bars, you must be okay with drinking and smoking, absolutely no smokers, I’m kind of a homebody, I go to clubs four nights a week and stay out until 3am and you have to be able to keep up with me, I’m really laid back and mellow, I’m a complete control freak, ISO MOTOS, MOSS, LTR, ONS, FWB, BF, GF, HWP, BBW, BHM…”

OHMYGODWHAT’SWRONGWITHYOU?!?!?!

Note: if you are NOT thinking that, please have your head examined.  Immediately.  Because any normal person with a shred of self respect runs far, FAR away from that ad and that person…and tells every single person they know about the lunatic that they saw online.

You don’t want to be the lunatic that they saw online, do you?

Of course you don’t.  So don’t be that guy.

That’s all for this time…go read something elsehttp://www.itinthed.com/read/

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